im a 20 year old male suffering from a condition called plagiocephaly, its where your skull is misshapen from having a untreated flat spot. When i was a baby i would always sleep on my right side while laying on my back and because of that i had a flat spot on the right side of the back of my head. My mom knew and would always try to keep me from laying on my right side. The doctor knew and told her that i would be fine and would grow out of it. I never did. I wish my doctor would of gave me a helmet but now its too late, and i have to deal with having a unsymmetrical head. Not only is my head misshappen my jaw lining is too. So is my face and my ear placement.
Because of this I have had social anxiety for as long as i realized that this had happen. I realized this when i was in 8th grade. I remember i was watching a video of me doing a fake news report in school, and i saw that when i turned my head to the direction of my flat spot that my face was shape differently than my other side. I didnt realize why this was till later when i found out it was because of my flat spot. I thought i was an ugly inbred looking child, i thought i was freak. I hated life and wanted to know why this had happen to me. I was also mad at god, and hated church. I would call out to him in prayers but i felt like i wouldnt get a response..
It felt like i was the only person with this condition and knew nobody that i saw in real life with this same problem. Maybe there all in hiding? Who knows but I always asked god WHY ME?? WHY THE FUCK am i the only one, that just makes it 10x worse. And its embarrasing, EXTREMELY. I remember one time i was walking in the mall and i just got a haircut, and my hair was really short. I knew i looked pretty goofy and i was walking around with my dad. And these young girlss were walking by and they starting laughing outloud saying " OMG LOOK AT THIS KID!" I never felt so humilated in my life! I wanted to go into hiding and never come out. I couldnt believe that these girls would do that to somebody.
All these troubles ive had to deal with had me pushing to find answers, i wanted to know, is there a way out of this? Am i born like this because of karma? I was always a spiritual person and believed in a higher power. And my years of searching on the internet has gained me lots of knowledge and im happy to share it.
I know now that all religions lead to the same god, and everybody must take their own path cause we are all unique expressions of god the source. I will have to write more about this in another blog but anyways..
I want to start a blog and start writing, it is like my dream to not have to go out in public and be able to just sit at home and just write my heart out. I wanna be able to express myself with out having to feel embarrassed or ashamed. Cause maybe this was my life purpose to write about my condition so other people that have the same condition can relate to it too. I know there are people out there but its hard to find them even on the internet which i find odd. So im gona be the first one to write a blog about it And hopefully there are people out there that can relate with me. Till next time -jordan
